So it’s the first day of 2012, and I thought I’d take the opportunity to reflect on the last 4 months of my life. 4 months which have been the most stressful, exhausting, depressing and debilitating of my life. There’s been tears, fights, doctors visits and postponed exams. I’ve developed a real dislike for UCD, and the current structure of higher education, and the way it’s moving. Yet despite all this I’m hanging in, I’m going to finish this motherfucking degree!
So how did I get here?
Well, this September I started the 4th and final year of my undergrad degree. I was quite happy since I knew the end was nearly here, and I had my final year project (thesis) organised ahead of time. I was looking forward to seeing everyone and getting into a working mode. However pretty quickly things started to go downhill. The first week back I was elected class rep for the 4th year running, despite not wanting the position last either or this year. I made it abundantly clear that I didn’t want to do, but I eventually gave in because nobody else would do it. This lead to a number of pointlessly rude emails from classmates demanding that I do things for them, as happens every year.
Then the whole kerfuffle with the final year projects happened, which as class rep, I was required to help sort out. 6 people, including myself had organised their projects ahead of time, however the other ~26 needed to have their projects assigned. Due to, what I can only assume, was an utter breakdown of communication, this process took 4 weeks longer than scheduled, which meant we lost a month of project work. This combined with the fact that the project deadline was moved forward by 7 weeks, from May to March means that our year lost ~11weeks of work compared to previous years. It was also made clear that our projects were expected to be better than in previous year.
Despite this rescheduling, and the pressure to get significantly more project work done in the first semester, we were still required to take the majority of our modules in the first semester, thus compounding the intense workload. During the 1st semester I believe I averaged about 50 hours a week on college work, just to keep my head above water.
I’m hardly the best student in the year, but until now I never found the course overwhelming. There were challenges, but I always managed to maintain a GPA just shy of a 1st (B average). This year however, I was constantly snowed-under with work. I was extremely organised, and completed all of my assignments 2-3 weeks before they were due, however I was never on top of my workload. There was always another assignment to complete or test to take, as well as work to do on my project and interim report.
This came to a head when I had 3 2000+ word technical essays, 2 projects, a presentation and a 40% final exam due within the final two weeks of term (and other assignments that I can’t remember at the moment). I managed to get everything submitted on time, but it took a big toll. The following week was study week, followed by 2 weeks of exams. During study week I struggled to get out of bed, didn’t care about my exams, but still had a deep sense of foreboding about them. I felt like I had a huge weight pressed on my chest that just wasn’t shifting.
At the end of study week I decided to see a doctor, and see what was wrong. In hindsight it was plainly obvious that the 4 hours of fitful sleep, woeful diet, massive weight gain, complete apathy for exams that counted for just over 25% of my final GPA, and lack of energy for anything were symptoms of a depression. After a doctors visit and trip to the CSI councillor Nikki Dillon (one of the nicest women I’ve ever met) it was decided that I would defer two of my final exams to the next semester. I got a doctors note and filled out the required form.
That afternoon was the first time I’d been truly happy in months, the weight was lifted and I started to breathe a bit easier. I still had two exams to study for, but now it felt do-able. I spent the following week studying for and doing my two exams. I didn’t do as well as I could or should have, but the fact that I (probably) didn’t fail was simply due to the support I received from Nikki and my doctor.
So now I’ve had the past 2 weeks off to relax and recuperate. I’ve played games, hung out with friends and met some cool new people. I feel reinvigorated, and ready to tackle the next (and gladly, final) semester of my degree. Looking back I honestly don’t know how I coped with the extreme workload. Obviously there were other pressures that contributed to what happened, not just college, but it would double or triple the length just to mention them all.
I’ve also managed to organise the next semester so that I have only 4 hours of lectures a week, and that my modules are entirely continuous assessment. As a result my only exams will be the two that I postponed from last semester. Once the 16th of March rolls around I’ll be entirely finished with my 4th year project, and I’ll be on the home straight. Here’s hoping next semester will be better!
Because I don’t think I can take another month of what happened last semester.
(Click to Embiggen)